GRONIBARD "Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!" [TOX005]

AXRADKTVA: GRONIBARD “Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!”

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What the fuck is AXRADKTVA?” might you ask yourself, puzzled, naked in the corner of your living room, bathing in your semen (if you’re more or less a male), urine and blood, banging your head against the wall in a desperate move thinking this might help you find the answer, became crazy after only six days of CoViD19 pandemic outbreak lockdown…

Is that another one of those Icelandic Black Metal bands you’ll never remember the name of, whatever good might their latest release be, however hard you might try?


First, clean yourself, then, get dressed for fuck’s sake and, finally, try to think for a second! It stands for “A Xenokorp Release A Day Keeps The Virus Away” and this blog post is the first of what might become quite a series given that, at the time of typing those lines, XENOKORP released 103 titles if we combine all of them KAOTOXIN releases and the actual XENOKORP titles.

So, here you go: everything you never dared to ask and most probably never wanted to know about GRONIBARD‘s “Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!“!

How did we get in touch?

Not sure of when it all started but it has to be around 1995 (my Alien unGod, it’s a quarter of a century ago, already!). I was the singer for a worthless local Thrash / Death band and those teenagers would show up at most of our gigs and, when I left the said band to sing in a not-much-more-worth-it Death / Grind band, they kept on showing up at our gigs and we slowly but surely became friends.

In 1998, I did the layout for their debut demo, “Prendez-moi!“, and then the artwork and layout for a never released 7” EP that should have been titled “Welcome to Marraveland” or something. Both were very bad works but I guess that, back in the day, I was the sole dude with enough computer “skills” to put those together for them because they definitely didn’t hire me for my talent in those fields as the result proves it!

In 2001, I somehow became Albatard‘s neighbor so to say, and I ended with a special copy of their debut, untitled, album that consisted in the CD with pubic hair from the band members stuffed under the box’ tray. I, of course, still own that “special edition” but I’m a bit unsure said hair didn’t get lost over time when I moved from flat to flat with years… Not sure said hair was theirs either… It might as well has have been dog or cat hair or even their mums’ private parts’ fur… I never knew and don’t want to know, now or never ever in the future anyway!

That’s more or less how we got “in touch”…

How did the release got agreed?

On the 10th of August 2010, I put together KAOTOXIN, the organization that would be behind my first “festival” in December of the same year. The festival was a great loss of money due to the whole of Northern Europe being covered with snow and road being closed all over Belgium and the Netherlands which led to not much people showing up. Yet, it was quite some fun putting together and great moments to spend with friends and good memories altogether, so I decided we would go on and do another one the following year.

When GRONIBARD accepted to be on the bill of the second festival installment and told me about the tenth anniversary of their 2002 recording session, I offered them to release it on vinyl. The festival never happened but that’s how KAOTOXIN ended up releassing “Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!” on January 31, 2012.

The recording

Recording for all of the studio material on “Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!” took place at Northern France’s MIDNIGHT studio, just like GRONIBARD‘s debut album recording sessions and, if I’m not wrong… André BEZU‘s stuff… This not sounding that much out of place, style-wise, after all…

The band was supposed to tape stuff for many different releases: a split with GOREROTTED and GRUESOME STUFF RELISH, a split with EXIT-13, what I believe should have been released as an unplugged split or EP and, besides the GRONIBARD stuff, the WARSCARS‘ “Killing Rate: Complete” debut EP.

I had the chance to visit them on location during the recording and they seemed to have quite some fun… but recording in the studio being what it is, it can quickly lead to boredom as musicians are recording one after the other, each waiting for his turn while others record…

Being the singer, Anal Capone‘s turn wouldn’t happen before a while, so he gave a skateboard a try… and ended at the hospital with a broken rib in no time… which didn’t prevent him of recording his parts the next day but when he did, his bandmates asked the sound engineer to let him hear his pitchshifted vocals in the headphones while, in fact, they would record the “FX-less” vocals without letting him know. That’s how the crazy vocal liners of songs like “30 millions de zobis” got “created” as he simply didn’t know they would sound like they ended to…

But, even if you seemingly can record (hilarious) vocals with a broken rib, remembering lyrics when high on watever (beer, weed, both? I can’t tell!) is another tale and, even if Goregrind isn’t really known for being great litérature, some songs actually do have lyrics, like, for example, the sibg “Va faire la vaisselle” which, for reason unknown has one of the “choir” members on the unplugged version sing “Va faire la bousselle“, which, should it be in French or any other language known by mankind means… absolutely nothing… Listen carefully around 1:00…

The unplugged recording session…

The release

Once done with recordings, GRONIBARD decided they would play a unique unplugged gig at local pub (l’AMUL SOLO) that is… a pub… really not meant to host gigs and can hardly  house50 people but that didn’t prevent the band or the pub owner putting together what remains one the very few acoustic GRONIBARD gig ever to my knowledge…

The first split got released as “Split Your Guts, vol.1” by DEEPSEND Records (there’s never been a second volume as far as I know). The EXIT-13 split got cancelled for reason long-ago forgotten by yours humble even though I clearly remember we listened to the instrumental tracks at Albatard‘s back in the day) and the unplugged split or EP never happened altogether. That’s how the later two, or at least most of them, got released by BONES BRIGADE Records as the “Satanic Tuning Club” EP in 2004.

That’s how, in 2011, we decided to celebrate the tenth anniversary of this insane session putting everything together for the first time ever, remastering the whole thing for vinyl and adding quite some bonuses in the form of live tracks, previously unreleased acoustic songs and a previously unreleased studio song, “Morceau sans titre“, the band decided not to put on the original EP after completely fucking it up on stage when playing it live at Germany’s Fuck the Commerce festival. Ut also later appeared on our “In Grindo Veritas” compilation in 2013.

But, as if it wasn’t enough, we added a two-tracks “postcard” picture flexi EP to the 100 copies “gay” limited edition of “Satanic Tuning Club Turbo!” that featured a “à capella” song titled “Vroum!” which is basically sounding like somekind of pitchshifted vocal rendition of a Mario Kart race (!) and a stripped-down version of “Sale Pute” somehow being the “song without the main bass and guitar tracks”…that “version” previously appeared on PARKINSON WANKFIST PLEASURES / ALARMA Records’ 2007 compilation “100 Way Splatter Fetish“.

This collector flexi thing is sounding so weird that once sent to the factory, they emailed us back to make sure we sent the right audio files for it, the one they got being “extremely experimental”, they said. We eventually had to confirm audio files twice as they wouldn’t believe that was we wanted to actually be put on the EP!

That “postcard picture flexi EP” was, as the name suggests, in the shape of a big postcard (5″x7″) and had an artwork and the audio part on the front and writing space on the back, printed on cardboard and really looking like a postcard… Once the first customers received their orders, many of them got back to us asking for their “bonus flexi” because they supposedly received “a postcard instead of the flexi”…

The LP got released in three versions:

  • the afore-mentioned “gay” edition on clear red vinyl [TOX005LPLE1]
  • the “bi” edition on clear vinyl [TOX005LPLE2]
  • the “hetero” edition on black vinyl [TOX005LP]

Each was limited to 100 copies while the 500 flexi [TOX006EP] were done, 100 of which included in the “gay” edition, the rest being given for various charities and to customers when KAOTOXIN closed down.

The artwork

Artwork has been designed by the band’s own “official artist” and ex-member Natachatte, who’s also behind the band’s “Good / Evil” artwork and layout for their 2008 second full-length “We Are French, Fukk You” and their split 7″ with ANAL PENETRATION, both released through BONES BRIGADE Records (APATHIC VIEW Productions for the vinyl version of the album).

The original “Satanic Tuning Club” artwork had a blue “tuning” car. The “Turbo!” version features a variation of the artwork with, this time, a yellow car with flames while the “Vroum!” EP has blood under the wheel.

Being more or less the first “real” KAOTOXIN release and Natachatte having designed a cool “black bottom banner” for the back cover where we would put the label’s logo and infos, we decided to go on with this banner for future releases and kept using it until 2015, if I remember well.

The release party

A release party got held at Bruxelles’ (BE) infamous DNA pub on January 21, 2012 with BLACK BLEEDING, MUCUS and UNSU. The band was… true to itself… untuned, massibely drunk and boozed and… awesome!

That’s on this memorable night that I got to meet two SEASON OF MIST Records staff members for the first time, among which the sadly missed Mika “Bleu” that would later on sign to KAOTOXIN with his band, MISERABLE FAILURE before being tragically killed in 2016 (RIP, brother…).

Reprint, reissue?

The LP (and flexi) are soldout since quite some years now and it’s highly unlikely we will ever reissue or reprint them but if we would, that’d be as picture LP and / or cassette. Meanwhile, you can stream it everywhere and, for the 300 lucky ones that own a copy, enjoy!